Bike accidents/other retarded ways you got hurt

[Fistor]

The bike accident talk got me to thinking of the idiotic stuff I used to do as a kid that resulted in bodily harm.

When I was 8, I got a shiny new Huffy one-speed for my birthday, fully assembled and ready to become my make-believe Evel Kneivel-style dirt jumpin' bike! I jumped on the banana seat, ignoring my mother's admonishment to put shoes on, and happily pedaled away. What the hell does she know? I know what I'm doing, ma! I'm a man now! You run back in and make me a jelly sammich!

So, I'm riding around and decide to take my hog up some random driveway and onto the random patio attached to it. On this random patio was steps leading up to the side door of the house. Anyway, I got real close to the steps, and decided to look down to make sure I was gonna clear them. That's when I got a great bird's eye view of my pinky toe catching on the corner of the steps and bending straight backwards. I watched it actually touch the outside of my foot. I don't remember the bike ride home, other than the fact there was crying and snotbubbles involved.

[mainerliser]

Eeewwww! Mexican Hat Dance in my head!!!!!!!!!!!

[Howie Feltersnatch]

i'm still healing from a failed attempt at a wheely with a turn on a gravel driveway....now that i'm done digging some pebbles out of my forearm and pouring 64oz of peroxide over it the bruise on my hip is starting to show

[peytonwqlz]

when I was like 7 I hit a guy on my bike. He was taunting me and kept walking in front of me blocking my way through, well I was going fast, and he didn't move and BAM! I flew over the bars and he fell down with my bike on him. I cut my legs and arms up, whacked my head on the cement, and I was wrecked! OH and he had a tire mark on his leg! haha.

[Fistor]

When I was 12, I went with a friend and his family to Canada on a fishing/camping trip. I had no idea that I hated camping until I went. After a day there, I realized that I reeeeeally sucked at fishing (apparently there's patience involved), and if you really suck at fishing, you're pretty much screwed on a camping trip, unless you like to look at trees. Which I found out I didn't.

So one day, my friend and his dad went fishing by themselves and his mom and I stayed back at the campsight. She was a hag so no sexytimes occured. I got bored of staring at the fire after about a minute, and nearly panicked, knowing there was absolutely nothing else to do for the rest of the day.

That's when my eyes happened upon the hatchet, and a whole new world of possiblities suddenly opened up!

I grabbed it and headed off to teach some saplings a lesson, ignoring my friend's mom's admonishment to be careful with that thing. Please. I'm a man! I know what I'm doing! Go back in the trailer and slather some jelly on a piece of bread for me and mind your own business woman!

I found a nice patch of baby trees and started hacking away. The blade was dull, so I really had to swing it to cut through them. After about 5 killings, I thirsted for more carnage. I found a bigger sapling and began hacking away at it. It proved to be a formidable foe. After about 10 whacks, it barely clung to dear life. After 10 more, it still stood, tantalizingly close to dropping. 8 more whacks, I still couldn't break through. 5 more. 3 more.

Now, frustrated and on a mission to send this stupid tree to an early grave, I mightily wound up, aimed, and uncoiled my fury!!!@#

Only the blade never found it's mark. It landed about three feet short...IN THE BACK OF MY FREAKING HEAD!!!@#

I pulled it out as quick as I could, before the tears could flow and the pain could set in, and looked around. My frined's mom was looking directly at me from her seat at the fire. She had a puzzled look on her face, and I immediately could tell she didn't completely comprehend what had just happened – she knew something wasn't right, but her view was obscured from all the saplings I hadn't as of yet mown down. Then the pain hit, a dull throbbing that immediately became screaminginsanitypain. I knew I couldn't alert her to my situation because then my friend would find out, and I would never live it down back at school. Also, there was the problem of looking like a huge douche working its way around the undamaged part of my brain.

So, through my silent tears, I resumed tapping lightly at the tree, long enough to assure my friend's mom that everything was fine, that I had not just buried an effing HATCHET into my skull . Then I feigned boredom, dropped the hatchet, and found a secluded spot to furiously examine my self-lobotomy. Thank God the blade was blunt. There was minimal blood, but a real nice bruise that was obscured by my hair.

To this day I can still feel slight indentation in my head.

[Fistor]

Banished to the land of the unread threads!!!

[Queenie]

Last weekend I went canoeing on the Buffalo River. My lovely husband decided to take the long tour and we were on the river from around 10 - 4:30. So needless to say (if you saw my what I like to drink post) I was pretty tipsy by the time we got off the river (and dumped 3 times). They sent, of all people, me into a store to get beer (cause everybody lost theirs in the river) and I walked up to the door and that SOB hit me in the face. I swear that door had something against me. Busted my lip and nose, but they said I never missed a beat and walked on into the store. I don't really remember . . .

[Dino]

A couple of months ago I was brushing my teeth before I went to bed. I guess I wasn't paying attention enough and as it bent over the sink to spit out the tooth paste I poked myself in the eye
I was a little red the next day but not to bad. The day after that was blood red and crusted over. I had to skip work cause it was that nasty.
My girlfriend still makes fun of me.......and so does her family

[wienerpoopie]

Jun 26, 2008 10:46:02 GMT -5 Dino said:

A couple of months ago I was brushing my teeth before I went to bed. I guess I wasn't paying attention enough and as it bent over the sink to spit out the tooth paste I poked myself in the eye
I was a little red the next day but not to bad. The day after that was blood red and crusted over. I had to skip work cause it was that nasty.
My girlfriend still makes fun of me.......and so does her family

HAHA what a dork, sorry but you are ;D

[Dino]

Jun 26, 2008 10:47:46 GMT -5 @wienerpoopie said:

HAHA what a dork, sorry but you are ;D

I fully admit that. I was a dork. As of this morning she still likes to remind me of it. I fugured with the nature of this thread I HAD to share this. Kinda like show code! Forum show code!

[vsangelchick]

I have a scar on my knee from last summer...

I was pushing out our boat so we could take a couple people tubing. My dad was driving, and one of my cousins was already in. I got us out deep enough and since we have no ladder out the back, I had to jump in. I pushed myself up, pulled my leg in and caught my knee square on one of the cleats. Looking back, I probably should've had stitches, but I just rode in the boat with a towel pressed against it until we went in again. My knee was swelled up for a good week after that, and bruised for nearly a month.

Lesson-always look for where the cleats are BEFORE jumping into the boat.

[wienerpoopie]

I have hundreds of crash stories, like the time I ran my banshee into a tree at full throttle resulting in a head contusion. Or when I crashed a road bike into some trees from a failed attempt of a turn resulting in a head contusion and broken ankle. And the time howiefeltersnatch and I were jet skiing and I decided to jump off the side at full speed but the a-hole turned so I ran into the side of the jet ski, so on and so forth.

[Queenie]

I got drunk one night and was doing cartwheels in the living room and went through the window.

[potthole]

Here's my childhood bike crash story:

When I was about 10 my family was out camping with my dad's brother's families. My cousins and I all had our bikes and would spend all day just going around the campsite. One day we all traded bikes. This was the first time I had ever gotten on a bike that had the hand brakes- up to that point I had only ridden bikes that would brake when you pressed back on the pedals.

Shortly after the trade, we rode up to the top of a big hill, and decided to race down. About a third of a way down the hill, there was a log in front of us. All my cousins immediately stopped before they hit it. I, however, in a moment of panic, tried to push back on my pedals- forgetting that wasn't how the brakes worked on that bike. I nailed the log, was thrown over the handlebars, and went tumbling down the hill, along with the bike.

Down I came crashing- right into the middle of a big group of people that were walking to the campground's pond. Everybody just sort of stood there stunned for a moment, as my cousins came racing down the hill to get me.

[Mud Room Donna]

I don't have many bike stories (except when my cousin took my bike, rode it through an intersection and got hit by a car - he's fine) but here's a ski accident...Gotta love those..

When I was 13 my dad took me skiing at Gore Mountain (outside of Albany NY). I could ski pretty well and we had spent the entire day on the slopes. On the last run of the day, my dad and I took an easier blue square trail and he passed me somewhere along the way, so he stopped on the side of the woods to wait for me to catch up. I didn't realize he was waiting for me, so I stopped just down the hill from him to see what he wanted. Or, that was my plan...I hit ice while trying to stop and flew head first into the woods. My right femur hit a tree (before my head did - whoo hoo!) and swung me around until I was completely wrapped around the tree.

My femur snapped in two, my knee hyperextended and tore cartillage. It took six months and two surgeries (three screws) to heal the femur. It took 2 more surgeries to fix the knee.

I haven't been skiing since!!!

[The Biff Lebowski]

Jun 26, 2008 11:18:26 GMT -5 @wienerpoopie said:

And the time howiefeltersnatch and I were jet skiing and I decided to jump off the side at full speed but the a-hole turned so I ran into the side of the jet ski, so on and so forth.

I found your picture:

[wienerpoopie]

WHO THE HELL IS PUTTING PICS OF ME ON THE INTERNET!! ^^

[Derek]

I have some, not many exciting. But I will tell you one from my friend.

Him, myself, and a couple other high-school friends went to Bittersweet (Small Ski-resort in Otsego, MI) to ski for the day. Everyone was fine all day; no one died, no injuries, just some bumps and bruises on the unskilled. We go on our last run, which they qualify as a 'black diamond'. Anyways, we cruise down it, and make it to the bottom fine. So we're standing, unstrapping, and my friend falls over and you just here two snaps.

Snapped his radius and ulna clean through.

He has yet to live this down.

[donttasemebro]

I've gotten some nasty 2nd and 3rd degree burns while welding...not as hardcore as some of the other peoples accidents but they still hurt

[beerbarella]

When I was 11, there was a tree with a vine hanging in it that we uses to play Tarzan on. It swung out over a small ravine, and was probably 15 foot or so drop, from what I remember. Well, to state the obvious, I fell off the vine and landed feet first, breaking my left ankle in 2 places. I spent nearly 2 months in a cast, and now have some nice arthritis as a memento.

I do have another souvenir even more fun than the arthritis. I had a spinal fusion done about 5 years ago. The surgeon told me that the condition I had could have been caused by an old injury or I could have been born with it. When I mentioned the childhood fall to him, he said it was very possible that it happened then and went undetected for years.

Hurray for FUCKTARDium rods and cadaver bone!! ;D

[Fistor]

You people suck at this. These injuries are far too serious and by and large un-retarded.

I had a freaking HATCHET stuck in my freaking SKULL, people!!!

Surely the vast majority of you are nowhere near as retarded as me, but c'mon. Stop holding back.

[potthole]

My brother nearly lost a finger because his friend clipped it while using some gardening shears to cut down weeds near a fort they built in the empty lot by our house.

[FUCKTARD !]

Jun 26, 2008 7:07:12 GMT -5 mainerliser said:

Eeewwww! Mexican Hat Dance in my head!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG I totally forgot about Mexican Hat Dance !

[FUCKTARD !]

Jun 26, 2008 8:06:44 GMT -5 Fistor said:

When I was 12, I went with a friend and his family to Canada on a fishing/camping trip. I had no idea that I hated camping until I went. After a day there, I realized that I reeeeeally sucked at fishing (apparently there's patience involved), and if you really suck at fishing, you're pretty much screwed on a camping trip, unless you like to look at trees. Which I found out I didn't.

So one day, my friend and his dad went fishing by themselves and his mom and I stayed back at the campsight. She was a hag so no sexytimes occured. I got bored of staring at the fire after about a minute, and nearly panicked, knowing there was absolutely nothing else to do for the rest of the day.

That's when my eyes happened upon the hatchet, and a whole new world of possiblities suddenly opened up!

I grabbed it and headed off to teach some saplings a lesson, ignoring my friend's mom's admonishment to be careful with that thing. Please. I'm a man! I know what I'm doing! Go back in the trailer and slather some jelly on a piece of bread for me and mind your own business woman!

I found a nice patch of baby trees and started hacking away. The blade was dull, so I really had to swing it to cut through them. After about 5 killings, I thirsted for more carnage. I found a bigger sapling and began hacking away at it. It proved to be a formidable foe. After about 10 whacks, it barely clung to dear life. After 10 more, it still stood, tantalizingly close to dropping. 8 more whacks, I still couldn't break through. 5 more. 3 more.

Now, frustrated and on a mission to send this stupid tree to an early grave, I mightily wound up, aimed, and uncoiled my fury!!!@#

Only the blade never found it's mark. It landed about three feet short...IN THE BACK OF MY FREAKING HEAD!!!@#

I pulled it out as quick as I could, before the tears could flow and the pain could set in, and looked around. My frined's mom was looking directly at me from her seat at the fire. She had a puzzled look on her face, and I immediately could tell she didn't completely comprehend what had just happened – she knew something wasn't right, but her view was obscured from all the saplings I hadn't as of yet mown down. Then the pain hit, a dull throbbing that immediately became screaminginsanitypain. I knew I couldn't alert her to my situation because then my friend would find out, and I would never live it down back at school. Also, there was the problem of looking like a huge douche working its way around the undamaged part of my brain.

So, through my silent tears, I resumed tapping lightly at the tree, long enough to assure my friend's mom that everything was fine, that I had not just buried an effing HATCHET into my skull . Then I feigned boredom, dropped the hatchet, and found a secluded spot to furiously examine my self-lobotomy. Thank God the blade was blunt. There was minimal blood, but a real nice bruise that was obscured by my hair.

To this day I can still feel slight indentation in my head.

Too many words, get to the point Tolstoy !

[FUCKTARD !]

A few years ago, not long after my fiancee became a lesbian and broke up with me, I decided I deserved a vacation.

I booked a 10 day stay at an 18+ all inclusive resort in Puerto Vallarta.

On one fortunate elevator ride, I had a short but nice conversation with a cute girl from Canada, but being just a little tipsy, didnt get her name.

The next day, I'm hanging at the pool, and I see the Canadian Cutey.

I jump from the pool, and jog to where she is so I can talk to her again.

Oopsie. Wet concrete is slippery.

I smashed my knee on the cement, and spent the last 3 days of my vacay with a knee that was literally the size of a large grapefruit, and would not bend.

And... nope never saw the Canadian Cutey again.

[potthole]

Jun 27, 2008 0:23:24 GMT -5 @FUCKTARD said:

Jun 26, 2008 8:06:44 GMT -5 Fistor said:

When I was 12, I went with a friend and his family to Canada on a fishing/camping trip. I had no idea that I hated camping until I went. After a day there, I realized that I reeeeeally sucked at fishing (apparently there's patience involved), and if you really suck at fishing, you're pretty much screwed on a camping trip, unless you like to look at trees. Which I found out I didn't.

So one day, my friend and his dad went fishing by themselves and his mom and I stayed back at the campsight. She was a hag so no sexytimes occured. I got bored of staring at the fire after about a minute, and nearly panicked, knowing there was absolutely nothing else to do for the rest of the day.

That's when my eyes happened upon the hatchet, and a whole new world of possiblities suddenly opened up!

I grabbed it and headed off to teach some saplings a lesson, ignoring my friend's mom's admonishment to be careful with that thing. Please. I'm a man! I know what I'm doing! Go back in the trailer and slather some jelly on a piece of bread for me and mind your own business woman!

I found a nice patch of baby trees and started hacking away. The blade was dull, so I really had to swing it to cut through them. After about 5 killings, I thirsted for more carnage. I found a bigger sapling and began hacking away at it. It proved to be a formidable foe. After about 10 whacks, it barely clung to dear life. After 10 more, it still stood, tantalizingly close to dropping. 8 more whacks, I still couldn't break through. 5 more. 3 more.

Now, frustrated and on a mission to send this stupid tree to an early grave, I mightily wound up, aimed, and uncoiled my fury!!!@#

Only the blade never found it's mark. It landed about three feet short...IN THE BACK OF MY FREAKING HEAD!!!@#

I pulled it out as quick as I could, before the tears could flow and the pain could set in, and looked around. My frined's mom was looking directly at me from her seat at the fire. She had a puzzled look on her face, and I immediately could tell she didn't completely comprehend what had just happened – she knew something wasn't right, but her view was obscured from all the saplings I hadn't as of yet mown down. Then the pain hit, a dull throbbing that immediately became screaminginsanitypain. I knew I couldn't alert her to my situation because then my friend would find out, and I would never live it down back at school. Also, there was the problem of looking like a huge douche working its way around the undamaged part of my brain.

So, through my silent tears, I resumed tapping lightly at the tree, long enough to assure my friend's mom that everything was fine, that I had not just buried an effing HATCHET into my skull . Then I feigned boredom, dropped the hatchet, and found a secluded spot to furiously examine my self-lobotomy. Thank God the blade was blunt. There was minimal blood, but a real nice bruise that was obscured by my hair.

To this day I can still feel slight indentation in my head.

Too many words, get to the point Tolstoy !

That long story is worth the read.

[Derek]

Jun 27, 2008 5:03:52 GMT -5 potthole said:

Jun 27, 2008 0:23:24 GMT -5 @FUCKTARD said:

Too many words, get to the point Tolstoy !

That long story is worth the read.

Maybe if it was true.

[FUCKTARD !]

Jun 26, 2008 17:47:07 GMT -5 beerbarella said:

Hurray for FUCKTARDium rods and cadaver bone!! ;D

I think this part of your post stands on it's own.

[Fistor]

Jun 27, 2008 7:59:36 GMT -5 Derek said:

Jun 27, 2008 5:03:52 GMT -5 potthole said:

That long story is worth the read.

Maybe if it was true.

Why the hell would I make that up?

You give me too much credit - coming up with a story like that out of thin air would require a bit of talent, I'd think.

I actually hit myself in the back of my head with a hatchet. From what you know about me so far, does that really seem so far-fetched?

[Fistor]

Jun 27, 2008 0:23:24 GMT -5 @FUCKTARD said:

Too many words, get to the point Tolstoy !

[Frankenstein]

WOOOORDS!!! WOOORDS BAAAAAAD!!!

[/Frankenstein]